Kateryna Kutsevol

I'm over 40. Not yet. Neither older nor younger. Beyond any measure or comparison. Over 40. Here and now. Wrinkles from lack of sleep, fatigue. Headache from red wine. Allergy. Fatigue. Not desire. And I accept it all. No, I don't accept it. I don't have to put up with it or fight against it. It's just mine. It's mine.

Venus only has parts of her hands, Mona Lisa never stops to smile... And I sometimes wake up from my own snoring. But I have something in common with them. The three of us are complete. By definition. Because they are Venus and Mona Lisa. And I am I. I don’t need any arguments, opinions...It’s not wrinkles under my eyes, but losses, insults, sadness, sleepless nights, studies, alcohol, cigarettes, conversations, falling in love, efforts, admiration, anxieties, thoughts, dreams .... Would I be complete without it?...

Forced isolation during COVID. Alone with a thoughts, fears, likes, desires, claims, affections. Sometimes they become unbearable, sometimes they please me, sometimes they calm me down, sometimes they make me angry. At the beginning of the quarantine, I tried to determine what lesson for myself I can learn from this situation? No conclusions were drawn. Fear and anxiety were the dominant emotions. I was sure that they are not a moment and I will not be able to live with any other emotion until the quarantine ends.

Instead, the fear and anxiety passed over time. In the rest, I realized something for myself: It is impossible to control everything. There are things that happen regardless of my wishes, actions, thoughts, hopes. I don't control everything around me. Something can happen without my intervention. And this discovery is relaxing. After all, you can actually not think about anything. To do strange things. Doing something that is hard to explain. Marveling at your uniqueness and finding new meanings for simple, familiar things.

The photos of this series are the winners of the competition I SEE PHOTO Awards Ukraine, 2021

Run to the very top of Hoverla. Climb with an airplane and take off. The wind in your face blows away all thoughts, images, pictures, hopes, and illusions. You close your eyes and soar through the air, scattering birds. Whooooosh... You can be somewhere in Rome. In Amsterdam. In Vancouver. The world at your feet. Or in the forest. In an open field with yellow wheat. It whispers something softly in the wind. Run your hand through the warm stalks, feel their velvety roughness... Then into the sea. Into the ocean. To the sperm whales. Look into their eyes. Feel the lump in your throat descending into your stomach. Propel yourself with intentions into the fresh air, with droplets all the way to the Moon. Wrap yourself in its cold glow until the intensely scorching moment. Squint and touch the hot sand with your feet in the middle of the yellow desert... See a caravan in the valley... Warm yourself. Jump onto a forest clearing, hide in the hazel bushes. Take a deep breath of the pine-scented air. Inhale the air, feel the taste of pine somewhere at the back of your throat... No. You can't escape yourself. No matter where you run, whoever you pretend to be, wherever you hide, wherever you fly... No. You can't escape. Always here, thoughts, arguments, conclusions, anxieties, fears, hopes, dreams, plans. Everything is here, all around. Embrace it. Get used to it. Lose it. Disappoint. Deceive. Train... Dream. Understand. Accept... you won't get away anywhere. Whether in an airplane or in the ocean...

Created images are a small testament to a lived, understood, and accepted period of life when the events that occurred seemed terrifying and insurmountable, when the desire was to retreat into one's own shell, fall asleep, and wake up when it's all over. The objects in the photographs and their interaction are a reflection of a certain path towards oneself, which is an integral part of the history that unfolded in the world and manifested in moods, emotions, and physical sensations.

Anywhere can be any place that can be cozy, or vice versa. You can find points of intersection with anyone, which can be comfortable or uncomfortable. Everything new gets old over time, turns into something familiar and becomes invisible.

From time to time we want to refresh ourselves, refresh what surrounds us, and then get used to it again, make sure of the sameness and quiet down.

In a planned vacation in a warm country, where I go for peace and rest, everything happens, it seems, according to my own wishes. But the desire to change something and experience crazy feelings was not part of my plans. But when I try to break away from routine duties, secret desires plunge me into dreams, try to push me into a fairy tale that I did not create.

The works from this project participated in participatory project #чутливість_фотографії within the exhibition "Sensitivity. Modern Ukrainian photography» September 2021.